My husband and I celebrate four years of being married and nine years of being together this week. I honestly didn't realize nine years had already passed. So I want to reflect on how we managed to stay blissful all these years, even during the pandemic. The following list is in random order and does not specify the level of importance.
Help out with chores. We never talked about who does what chore. Instead, we gravitate to what we don't mind doing. For example, I wash the dishes and clean the litter boxes. My husband prepares meals and feeds the cats. And when one of us is tired or sick, we step up and help out with what tasks need to be done.
Support each other. Be there physically and emotionally for anything happy, sad, exciting, whatever to each other.
Go on date nights. Our date nights allow us to spend time together away from our regular TV shows and phones. We like to frequent our favorite restaurants and try new places to eat.
Have a hobby and support your partner's hobby. Having a hobby you enjoy is stress relieving and can help you grow as a person. And when you are stressing less, you are happier. Right now, I love playing piano and Tahitian dancing. He loves building Star Wars models.
Have a shared hobby. We love going to Disneyland, walking, cruising, and building Lego. Having a shared hobby connects us and gives us something to talk about and enjoy together.
Listen more and speak less. Instead of thinking of the next thing to say, be present and listen to what your partner is saying.
Compromise. We don't agree on everything but do our best to meet in the middle.
Learn how each other operates throughout the day. I'm a morning person, so I can easily get up without an alarm between 5-6 am. I quietly get up and my thing and let him sleep till whenever he wakes up.
Take care of yourself. You can't be happy in your marriage unless you take care of yourself first. I try my best to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep. If I don't get enough sleep, I am not the happiest person. Daily meditation helps a lot. I also try to keep moving by doing Pilates, biking at home, stretching, and playing VR boxing and dancing. My husband likes to walk and do VR dancing as well. Exercising produces endorphins which trigger a positive feeling in your body.
Think before speaking. During any disagreement, it's best to listen and think before speaking. Make sure you fully understand what your partner is saying before speaking too quickly. Ask questions if you don't understand. Again, it's better to think first before speaking so you don't say something you're are going to regret later.
Have a social life. Both of us are introverts, so it's really easy to stay home and watch TV. However, we make it a point to see friends when we can, either separately or together.
Be grateful. I try to thank my husband for everything he does, like taking out the trash or preparing breakfast. I like it when he says "thank you" too.
See a therapist. I've had some unresolved childhood trauma, so it was beneficial to see a therapist. I would not want to unload all that trauma onto my husband. Seeing a therapist take care of any mental issues can significantly improve any relationship.
Do nice things for each other. For example, I love how my husband makes matcha tea in the mornings and picks up boba or food when he's out and about. Likewise, when I'm coming home from teaching Pilates, I like to pick up food if we're too lazy to prepare something or don't have anything.
Say sorry. We are human and are bound to make mistakes. So it's okay to say sorry if you've done something wrong.
Forgive. Like the last item, we are human and are bound to make mistakes. If your partner is sorry, it's best to forgive and move on.
What do you think of my list? Do you have anything to add?
Cheers,
Robin